Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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