what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
