he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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