He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
