I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
