I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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