Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
