Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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