you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
