She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
