Will you blow on my dice?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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