i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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