How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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