I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize