if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success