We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
