Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
