We're like a lot better than the average bears
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
