I'm gonna have a badass scar
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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