i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
