i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
