So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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