I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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