i will never coherently bang her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
