is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
