dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
