So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
