"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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