I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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