lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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