HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
