Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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