my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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