I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
