My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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