we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
