Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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