she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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