Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
