i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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