i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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