How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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