does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
