is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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