I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
