I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
