She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
