i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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