filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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