I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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