Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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