Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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