So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize