There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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