TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
