so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
