Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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