If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
