Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
