A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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