I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
